An anniversary...of sorts

December 20th, 2008 was the due date of our first pregnancy.
It is amazing that through this process, we have lots of dates
that now mark our lives.
I hope that as time goes on, that I won't forget, but, that these days
won't stand out with such definition in my heart.
If that pregnancy had been successful, we'd have a one year old and
wouldn't have suffered the loss of twins in November 2008 and
I wouldn't be struggling each day for the growth & survival of this little girl.
That's about all I can say for sure. The rest of how that path would
have played out is a mystery.
Wait...there's one other thing I can say for sure....I wouldn't have this
little girl in my belly to love more than life itself. (boy, am I in trouble or what? :)
I wouldn't have gotten to watch our marriage strengthen....or find out
just what we're capable of and what kind of resilience we can have.
The worst thing you can hear when you miscarry is "everything happens
for a reason"...because, when you learn that there no longer is a heartbeat,
the reason is NOT clear or understandable in any way. I don't know the reason
we lost the first (or second) pregnancy, but, I can learn from the life
we have lived since.
To our first angel...we won't forget. And, we know you are safely in
God's kingdom...living a far better life than we could have provided.
 We'll see you when we're reunited there.