Happy Advent!

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. This is my favorite season
of the church calendar year as it's filled with such activity and
preparations for celebrating Jesus' birth and the hope that surrounds it.

It's a time of
expectant waiting and preparation
for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus.

Well, do I know about expectant waiting and preparation or what?
I feel like the last 2 1/2 years have been consumed by
expectant waiting and this hospital stay is no different.
Except that I'm closer to expecting than I've ever been before.

But, what happens when the expectant waiting
and preparation doesn't go like you expected it to?
When I found out our due date was in March,
I envisioned Christmas with a big ol' round twin
pregnancy belly and putting up the tree and sending
a card with my "glowing" pregnant self on it. I pictured
spending the holidays not only preparing for the day
itself, but, preparing for the arrival of our babies.
Boy, has that changed!
Now, I'm preparing for each day and what it
might bring- both good and bad.
I'm doing my Christmas shopping on-line
and figuring out how to get wrapping paper in
to my hospital room. I'm trying to envision
a little tree here in my room and how
weird Christmas morning will feel waking up alone.
I'm trying to wipe out of my mind the
way our house looks & feels at this time of year...
because this year it will be different.
I'm ignoring the urges to bake cookies,
to go to parties and to hunt for the perfect
gift for my loved ones.

Each day, I work very hard at reminding myself
that I'm doing all that I can to give this little
girl the best start I can at life. And that will have
to be enough.